24 February 2018

Cold weather, cold heart

It’s the 24th of February, the ‘Dragobetele’ is here. It’s the traditional Valentine’s day in Romania but the weather isn’t making things easy. It’s cold, it snowed and we’re expecting temperatures up to -18 degrees during the night. No wonder everyone is so gloomy lately. It’s cold when it should be warm and the other way around. 

I don’t know if it’s because of the weather but I have noticed a change in people lately. I’ve noticed how everyone, step by step is closing in. I noticed how people have become selfish, distant and secretive. It’s understandable. We all have a past to deal with. We all, sooner or later learned we can’t trust the people around us. Someone broke our hearts at one point and we decided to keep it more hidden from the outside world. We all came to the conclusion we should love ourselves first in order to move on and that priority one should be us. I understand that. But…selfish? There is a difference between putting yourself first and expecting everyone else to put you first. People have become business men. You do something for me first then I will consider to do something back. It seems as if everyone is sitting on a bench waiting for the other to stand up, make a move, to act differently, to give hope. But, if we are all sitting on the bench, how will we make that possible?

I had a theory a few days back. A sad theory. I came across it when I looked at myself. It was Valentine’s day and I expected to see love around me. Not me particularly but at least around me. I know Valentine’s day has become commercial and seems an obligations but there is no need to spend money or act as expected from the rest of the world. On that day I only saw people complaining about that day, ridiculing it. On that day I saw selfish people, demanding people that did nothing but at the same time expected everything to happen to them. I grew sad. Then I thought of young people, how reckless and crazy they can be. They act on their feelings and take no time to let their heart be told otherwise by their mind. Why is that? Why when we are young we can do so many things, never expecting anything in return and later on we grow so cold? Because we were young, new, fresh and had no generous past to carry on with us. The older we get the more luggage we accumulate. Our thoughts and feelings change. Perhaps in the past we did a lot of things never expecting anything in return but then one day we realized why did we do them for people who did not deserve them? Now we think, it’s time for the other person to do those things for us. We set our priorities, blame our parents, clean out our friends list and start new. We start stronger. That’s the illusion. Stronger. We think we are stronger because we don’t let anyone come near our hearts that quickly anymore. We think we are stronger because we know what we want and we know we only deserve that, no less than that because we know our self-value. Stronger? Perhaps we should say colder. We’ve become colder. We closed ourselves in and created an ice fence around our hearts. We don’t have time for the things we used to have. We don’t want to ‘invest’ in people we don’t know or listen to people that seem somewhat different than us. Time is essential. We don’t want to waste our time! Colder. Sometimes a part of the fence melts and we let someone in. We begin to hope again and expected something more. Then something happens. We freeze again. The ice around our hearts becomes stronger and even more difficult to melt than before. Cold. We think we are stronger and have the ability to deal with disappointments easier because we’ve learned to not have any expectations from anyone. In fact we are detaching ourselves from the world. We become colder and colder until our hearts are unreachable.

How do we solve this? We can’t. We can’t expose our hearts anymore. It’s too precious for us. It’s become our treasure, our most valuable pearl. Perhaps one day, when the weather is warm and the birds are singing, for one moment, by mistake, a little part of the fence will melt and at that moment someone will steal our most valuable possession. Let’s only hope that the thief is…an honest and worthy one. What can we do until that day? Do our thing. I believe we all have our thing. We have the ability to create. I believe creativity is the key. Do something, no matter what it is, as long as you put passion into it, it’s good. And look around, do something for others too. If you give a compliment or make someone smile, you are not giving away a part of your heart. You are only doing something expecting nothing in return as you used to do when you were young. I said I am surrounded by selfishness but there are exceptions. I have met someone who helped me by giving me information without expecting anything in return, I have met another who gave a present just because he felt like doing so and another who loves to give hugs and compliments just to see me smile. Are they expecting something in return? Perhaps or perhaps not. I believe that heroes are not the ones we see in action movies. I believe heroes are those who have been through enough in their lives but are still able to look around, do something for another person and dare to move on. Those who let a part of their frozen fence melted knowing that that is the only way to stay alive.

One day all the little things you do for others just because you want to, will add up and you will see. Dare. Make mistakes. Don’t throw yourself off a bridge…but dare to do things that you usually wouldn’t do. Make mistakes and learn. Time is valuable, I agree, but moments are above it and moments last forever. Don’t be caught in by time and don’t think your time is that precious because time is not a possession, it’s merely a measurement method. At work time is money. But we are not working every single moment of our lives are we? If we do then we are only machines and nothing more.

So on this crappy weather day do your thing, let go of the time notion and dare. Dare to live and dare to give.

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