26 November 2016

Life is a gamble

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a restaurant completely irritated about the fact that the waitress was taking too long to take my order. I was about to leave but then the waitress finally showed up. I ordered a sandwich and within a few minutes it was in front of me.

I tasted the sandwich and I thought wow! This is incredibly good!

If the waitress had told me from the beginning that their food was so good I wouldn’t have bothered growing so impatient and irritated with her in the first place. This because I would have known that the outcome will be great.

Then I had to think about it for a moment. Doesn’t that apply to our everyday lives? If we knew something good was about to happen to us, we wouldn’t bother overthinking everything anymore. We’d look at our present differently and we would enjoy the moment knowing that good things will come our way and that those good things are certain. Unfortunately we don’t have that certitude. It would be easier wouldn’t it? To know that a job will lead you somewhere eventually so you know your efforts now will pay up later, or that a relationship will grow and become so much more so that gives you strength to put up with the down sides now. Or perhaps the other way around, if we knew now that the path we’ve chosen will lead us to nowhere we’d be able to take a different path and spare ourselves the trouble.

But we don’t!

I could have just as well gotten a crappy sandwich instead and my irritation would have just grown bigger. Or I could have left to a different restaurant and missed out on this perfect tasty sandwich.

What is the point that I’m trying to make?

Life is a gamble. If you don’t gamble at all you will never have a chance in winning. If you gamble a lot the chances are you will either win more than you could have imagined or take the worst fall you’ve ever been afraid of all your life. The decision is in your hands. Patience, forgiveness, ambition, these are all qualities you need in order to succeed but invest them in the wrong path and you’ll be wasting your time and talent. Then again there are people who say we don’t waste our time when we are trying to achieve something, even if we fail, we either win or learn.

Looking at my own life I don’t know what is better. I have the tendency of liking too many things at the same time when it comes to my hobbies, to my career perspectives and when it comes to love, well…I put all of me in it. I go all the way when it comes to the matters of the heart which also means that I fall all the way down when it goes wrong. Quote strange because when it comes to changing my career perspective I usually decide to stand in the middle afraid I might fail and will have to start all over again. From both these experiences I learn a lot but I can’t say my health finds it very invigorating. And what else do we have than our health? If our health goes down, then the story ends. So to me it’s a constant juggling between my passion, ambitions, love and my health, trying to keep them all in balance. Some might say change the way you are, the way you think. To me it’s difficult to be selfish when I care too much about others and it’s difficult to be indifferent when I can see even with my eyes closed. And I don’t want to shut myself from the world, become one of those cold hearted people, my only aim to make money and live in luxury. I am not like that. To me, if there is no one to share it with, money, life itself become completely useless. 

I talk a lot about gambling but perhaps another word for it is faith.  Have faith that all will turn out well and not worry about the future. But then again, that word seems too positive for me. I can’t say I always expect good things to happen. I am not a very positive person, never was and never will be. I just believe that being too positive creates different expectations and only leads to disappointment, while expecting the worse leads to either affirmation or pleasant surprises. 

What to do next? Perhaps start gambling a little less and then see how it goes from there. Invest in love little by little instead of spending it all at once. Not sure if that means I will suffer just a bit every day instead of suffering all at once…

I am sure you have your own opinion on the subject so I will end this post by quoting Heath Ledger’s smooth statement from the Casanova movie:

‘I have too long dominated the conversation. What are your thoughts on the matter?

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