19 December 2015

Ce vor barbatii? Femeia tuturor femeilor

Nu, nu! Nu sunt inca beata cu toate ca am scris asta in ultimul meu blog...adica am scris ca probabil voi fi beata de acum incolo. Pe moment sunt inca...treaza mai mult sau mai putin.

Asa de iarna, in spiritul Craciunului uitandu-ma la indragostitii de pe strada, mi-am adus aminte de niste cuvinte din cartea Don Juan scrisa de Josef Toman. Cand e intrebat ce cauta la o femeie, raspunde in urmatorul fel...desi cand citesc aceste randuri imi dau seama ca exact asta cauta si femeia la un barbat...sau ma rog...asta caut eu cel putin....nu stiu daca e de bine sau e de rau...Nu sunt si nu imi doresc un Don Juan dar il inteleg perfect.

'...toata duiosia mamelor si toata impetuozitatea amantelor, sa fie focul fierbinte si apa racoritoare, intelepciunea si nebunia, copilaria stangace si experienta, femeia straveche si totodata juvenila, naiva ca un copil, catifelata, fina si aspra, dura si supusa, miroase a carciuma si a tamaie de biserica, sa intruchipeze deopotriva patul si piatra funerara, omul si fiara, femeia sfanta si totodata diavolul ispititor, femeia tuturor femeilor, frumoasa prin omenia ei, prin daruirea in dragoste, frumoasa la trup si suflet.'

13 December 2015

Home for Christmas

It’s good to be home for Christmas. I haven’t felt this Christmassy since…well…since I left I guess, 20 years ago. Sad but true. I love the lights in the city center, the Christmas fairs, the way the city now looks at night on the street, in the park, it’s breathtaking though the ones living here might not even be aware of how pretty it actually is. To tell you the truth perhaps I won’t see it anymore in a few years either. I am assure I will take a few things for granted as the times passes but I hope I won’t do that with the things and people that matter.

I’ve learned a lot this year though I already thought I knew so much. I learned how much small things matter, how important it is to have real friends and how painful it is to realize that the ones whom you thought were real, aren’t. It’s weird, the lessons I learned are not new or come as a shock yet they do affect me every time I confront them. I guess you can’t be ready for everything in life and sometimes it’s good not to. I won’t say that family matters or that friends matter, I believe that love matters. Love, compassion, understanding, something or someone that makes you feel home or makes you feel like a child again. My childhood wasn’t that great but whose was it? We moved a lot and didn’t get a chance to have a stable home, a stable life. Yet now I want to remember the good little moments of my childhood instead of the turmoil I’ve been through.

I also learned that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and that I am allowed to lose control from time to time. I’ve always wanted to enjoy every moment of my life, do crazy things yet I sometimes am afraid of crossing the limits or am afraid of what the consequences might be. I should sometimes close my eyes and let it go. Only when you let go you can actually allow yourself to be free, to enjoy life as it is…I have the feeling I have been restricting myself from life, I tried to keep myself in place, restrain myself, that will only work against you in the end. Don’t fight it, life isn’t about that, life is about letting go of the reins.

I am also very aware of the fact that my feelings can change from today to tomorrow. Today I might be in love, tomorrow I might be angry or frustrated. Feelings can be so complicated when you try to write them down so why bother with them in the first place? Feel like you want to feel and don’t worry about it.

I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family and New Year with my friends. It will be fun, it’s guaranteed. I might not feel great all the time, I might have my moments, I might feel even sad or depressed but I don’t care, I will also feel happy, at home, playful, warm and at peace…for the time being for I know that that little itch inside me will never stop, never cease, an itch that no one understand unless they have it too but hey, we can’t win them all, can we?

I wish you all Happy Holidays and may you feel at home, loved and cherished! If not, then I hope you will soon be, because if one thing this year taught me it’s this: anything can happen, anytime, anywhere when you’re least expected!

Ps: I might post some crazy posts around Christmas time. That will probably be because of tomorrow I decided to start with my new Christmas diet, wine and…more wine! I will not be responsible for the posts from now on ‘till the 2nd or 3rd of January. I apologize for any inconvenience J no I don’t…I really don’t give a damn...and that’s the Christmas spirit talking ;)

Happy Holidays everyone and may you not give a fuck!

05 December 2015

10 Things I Hate About You

People always ask 'what do you seek in a partner?' I'm sure many of you have been asked that same question. Women tend to come up with a huge list of demands 'tall, handsome, financially stable, funny, spontaneous etc.' Men are a bit more practical...'perky boobs, great legs, pretty face, no tendencies to get fat in the future and not all too materialistic.'

Of course there are exceptions some men actually want 'smart women'  though no man likes a woman who is smarter than he is, and some women want a man they feel attracted to but who has a 'good heart'.

And let's face it no on Earth falls for that 'don't care how he looks like, it's the inside that counts.' That's bullshit and complete nonsense. We all want to walk next to a partner we feel attracted to and proud of, to show around not like a toffee but more like 'this one is mine!'

What do I look for? Well I'm simply looking for the male version of me. Some people dream of a perfect partner but they never look at what they have to offer themselves. Let's say a poor girl looking for a rich perfect handsome guy or a nerd looking for a woman looking like a Barbie doll. I mean sure, you're looking for the ideal partner but what do you have to offer in return? Why should she or he be with you in the first place? Looking for a faithful partner while you love to fuck around? Looking for a good hearted partner when you're a selfish bitch? It doesn't work that way. Unless your partner is too weak to stand up for her or himself or you are willing to change.

But to sum it all up, here are the 10 things I hate in a partner. I am curious whether you share my opinion about this.

1. Violent. Sure I like the occasional spanking on the butt cheeks just like any other decent girl but getting beat up to pulp doesn't really fit in my dreamy picture. I hate men who express their anger or frustration through violence, physical or mental. And women who like slapping a man or scratching him (not in the good way) expecting men not to hit them back are just as bad as these men. And don't come to me with that 'oh I ain't violent I've just got a hot temper' crap!

2. Liar, liar. You know the type of men that start believing in their own lies? I hate those. Women lie as well but always get that puppy look on their faces when caught and use sex as a distraction.

3. Selfish. This has got to be one of the worst traits a person can have. Selfish! Can't love anything or anyone around him or her. First of all people who do not love animals are already off the list. If you can't love a cat or a dog then you are definitely not worth anyone's attention. Not loving your family unless they do things for you, not hanging out with your friends unless they're buying. Thinking only of yourself is basically a life doomed to fail.

4. Addicted. If it's drugs, drinking or gambling. I hate junkies. I don't like them smoking either but compared to the first three I'd say that's the least of our problems. Respect your body and have a strong will. Oh and ladies, being a shopaholic isn't cute, stop spending money on expensive useless crap!


5. Cheater. I despise cheaters. A man who can't get enough and he's always thinking with his dick is no go for me. They say all men cheat but come on, you have cheaters and Charlie Sheens. I want my man to be mine only, no sharing! And believe me women are cheaters too they are just more discreet about it...that does not make them any better!

6. Macho Macho man. If you think the size of your dick is more important than the size of your brain then you are so totally wrong. I can already spot them from a distance, the macho male behavior, men sitting in meetings, basically putting their dicks on the table to see which one is the biggest, men in clubs all pumped up as if they just came out of a sex toy package. And don't get me started on that jealous act shit either. Too cave like behavior if you ask me. Sure a bit of jealousy is healthy but let's not keep your partner on a leash just because you are insecure. This also counts for the women, women can act like 'macho bitches' as well.

7. Arrogant. There is such a big difference between being self-assured and just purely arrogant. Especially when there isn't much to explore in the first place. Women thinking they are Beyoncé (who ain't all that in the first place) and men acting like they are unique. You are not unique, you are not perfect and you are not that special! Love it when this trait is also accompanied by Vanity. Such a delightful combination, arrogant and ignorant. Lovely.

8. Cheap. Oh don't get me started on this one. Sure there are people who can't afford certain stuff (and there is nothing wrong with that!) but you can always smell the cheap ones out. The ones that only get you gifts on discount or eat in certain places cause the water there is 5 cents cheaper than in the other places, the Mr. Scrooge, counting his pennies type. Give me a break will you? And those women who just always, always count on the fact that the man is paying for dinner, Jesus ladies, pay for once will ya?

9. Dirty. I love personal hygiene...If you ain't smelling good then you are probably not showering that often in the first place. A man who takes care of himself and a woman who smells nice is basically the essence of...life.

10. Rude. I think you should always be polite to people, to everyone around you. I hate it when a man tries to impress a woman by being rude to the waiter for example. That's just male, brainless behavior and complete bullshit. You are not better than the rest so don't act like you are! Women do it too just to show how strong they have become, it can't get any stupider than that!

There you have it. 10 things I hate meaning that is exactly what I am not. I am loving, honest, noble, humbled, faithful, generous and basically smell nice...And I look for the same traits in the person before me. Simple as that. I think these are traits that shouldn't be that difficult to find but hey in a world where money and sex is everything...who gives a shit about the basic traits right? And I am fully aware of the fact that I am not one of a kind (in fact I can be very irrational, unreasonable and crazy), I am not perfect, gorgeous or Ms. Smarty Pants...But, I would like to find someone that makes me feel that way and in the end I think that's what we are all looking for.