It’s so cliché but I guess you can only understand it better when facing the facts. Fear has been my enemy since childhood. Fear of losing the ones I love, fear I can’t fit in within a group, fear of the dark, fear of failing…And because of fear I put invisible obstacles in my way stopping me from move on, do what I want to do, be the way I want to be. Fear of being rejected, so never telling my true feelings to boys, fear of disappointing others so always choosing the most convenient, neutral path. And the worse of them all, fear of change, the fear of letting go and basically dare to change. Fear that if I change, take a decision it might be the wrong one and make things worse. My current situation isn’t that bad, my current situation is safe I know where it leads to, but change, making a decision might lead to unwanted changes, to mistakes, to regrets, to pain.. Fear of pain and regrets are also my best friends.
But not changing is not growing. If you become a pause, a static factor in your life, you’ll never learn, never grow, never experience new things. So there comes the frustration between being sick of your current life but being too afraid to make a change because no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse.
Never putting your heart out there, never trying anything new, never making decisions, never taking chances. Just saying to yourself I’m not in need of change, just fine the way things are. We become used to our personality and act and think a certain way because we believe that that is it. That is the way we are, the way our lives turned out and there is nothing more to it. We are either too tired or think we are too old to change so we accept the way things are and do nothing about it. So we sink in a rut and eventually loose ourselves in it...It will lead to our very own misery. And who else to blame than ourselves? After all we’re in control. Ambition is overrated unless it’s about your own happiness, that’s where your ambition must lie. You should do anything to make yourself happy, not with meaningless temporary pleasures but the long term happiness, the one that makes you look at yourself in the mirror and see the respect in your eyes.
Fear can only be fought by courage, action. It doesn’t mean a thing what you feel or what you think as long as you don’t do anything about it. What you do matters, action is progress. Fear can be destroyed by action with a touch of hope and love. Hope that one day you’ll be all right. Love the ones that deserve your love and they will stand by you no matter what. And don’t forget baby steps, be patient, take your time. Time, everything happens with time, wounds heal with time, changes are visible with time, time will reveal it all.
And as for fear…fuck fear! Fuck fear and fuck all that comes with it.