Moments. Our lives are made of moments, aren’t they? The funny moment you went on that skinny dipping and you were both naked in the water, he or she looked at you different and on that breathless moment you fell in love; the sudden moment you realized that for just that second you were happy; the sunny moment you closed your eyes and felt peace, so many moments to think about, so many moments to live for, but they hurt…don’t they? When you lost that moment and you think about it in a couple of years you realize it has slipped away and you would do anything to relive that moment over and over again. So what can you do about those lost moments? The ones you think so much about that it seems there is a new detail every time and then you get scared because you think you might have created new details instead of remembering the facts as they really were. But what do you do? You create new moments. You search for a thrill, a moment to fall in love again, a moment to perhaps remember the old moment and feel a bit closer to who you were. But it’s not easy creating new moments that can live up to the old moments that you have come to worship so much.
I hate my moments, they hurt, hurt so much sometimes I’d like to reach in my head and in my heart and rip out every detail, forget everything about them and never feel that pain again. But I’m not sure what would remain of me then. If I take out my moments, my memories…they are everything I have left. They are mine and mine only, I am the only one that felt them and remembers them the way that I do, they are unique in every sense of the way and no one can experience them the way that I did. So if I take those moments away, no matter how painful it is to remember them, I would be taking a part of me out…or basically just my entire self. And here is my dilemma then, remember those moments because they were really beautiful, deep and real or erase them all because they have become a ferocious torment to my every existence?