17 February 2015

Punch me baby one more time! 50 shades of Grey Boomie Review

 As you all know I am not much of a fan of 50 shades of Bruises, but I had to see the boomie (movie based on book) just to check what they did to my favorite book…And I am so glad I saw it because now I know for 100% that even the boomie sucks big time.

My first impression was: shy girl, annoying and boring voice, rich guy, almost untouchable…seen it before, seen it before but where, where? Oh wait! Twilight! It’s a Twilight movie! The girl (can’t believe she’s the daughter of Don Johnson by the way) is just as shoot-in-the head annoying as our lovely Bella and the guy, just another Edward though he looks a bit better (he was the hunter in Once Upon A Time and he was very good at it, he should have kept it that way).

The movie starts with the girl almost having an orgasm just by seeing the rich fancy guy (must have been the shape of the building if you ask me). Then she gets ‘scared’ every time she sees him and is all confused and girly and just sick-to-the-stomach stupid. The guy is rich, which is basically something all women should immediately get excited from…could he not have just been Joe the Plumber or something? The guy can’t act, he looks constipated throughout the whole movie. The girl can’t act and shows her skinny-little-ugly-ass-naked body through the whole movie.

The weird thing about the movie is that during their sex scenes, aside from the bad acting and zero chemistry between them, the couple seems very uneasy, there was no fun or a smile or just a connection whatsoever. It looked as if they were forced into doing the scenes and felt zero comfortable about it. So basically a regular porn movie. But even in a porn movie the plot is a bit better.

I sat in the movie theatre for what seemed endless hours of pain and torture…and I’m not talking about the poor SM scenes in the movie, I’m just talking about my brain realizing that these hours were a waste of my time and life. At the end of the movie I just thought, why? Why would anyone believe this crap would become a great movie? But hey, I also thought why would anyone buy the damn books…

And it’s not because I am jealous ‘cause this woman (age 49 at that time and had just finished watching…Twilight…biggest inspiration ever) just wrote three books filled with her own personal sick fantasies and sold 70 million copies worldwide while I try to write books that make sense and can’t sell a squat…well ok, I am a bit frustrated about that damn it! But it’s the idea of making male domination attractive while all these years women have been trying to convince men that ‘no’ means ‘no’ and not ‘please hit me again.’ If men watch this movie they’ll just think women love to be dominated, love to be forced into sex and like to be hit. A very dangerous idea, horrible thought to be planted in the brain of our male society. But this is what women want right? There are women around me who loved the movie and maybe that just says something about the world we live in today. I’m not trying to bring you down but it seems our IQ is so low that we love movies, books and music that say and mean nothing any more. Before you know it you’ll be surrounded by stupidity, shallowness and ignorance, you’ll be ashamed to be called a human being. Where are those aliens? Were they not supposed to take over our world and end this damn circus? Or maybe they’re too ashamed to do so?

Anyway if you want my opinion and you probably do because otherwise why end up on my freaking blog, don’t watch the movie. It’s not worth it. The sex scenes are so plain and boring you’ll find more spice in your grandma’s bedroom, the acting is heartbreaking and the story is…invisible.

If you still want to watch a nice movie then I dearly recommend to you ‘Kingsman: The Secret Society.’ It’s fun, entertaining and you will leave the cinema with the feeling that you actually saw a movie, laughed a bit and forgot about your troubles for a while.

 

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