26 January 2015

A good man

If you went back in time, let’s say a couple of hundred of years, and asked a woman what she wanted in a man she would probably have said ‘I want a good man.’ The qualification for the best male partner was to not beat the woman, earn money and be a good man.

Well, I can assure you that the notion of ‘a good man’ has long deserted our vocabulary. ‘Our’ as in, us, women, the weaker sex. ‘A good man’ no longer suffices our needs. A perfect man was born the moment we created fairy tales, women started writing novels and…Chris Hemsworth was born.

We no longer want a man with a job, we want a man with a good job who can buy us a house and give us gifts from time to time. We no longer want a good man, we want a hot, sexy man whose six-pack we can admire every morning in the shower and every night in bed.
Just like in the Stone Age, women still look for the perfect mate (and men still want to conquer as many women as possible and spread their seed everywhere) but for a man to just be big and strong, well, that no longer fits the profile.

And just to give you an idea of just how sick and demanding women have become, I will do a little experiment on me. I will describe to you my ideal man. But I will do this in the Simple and Complicated way. Simple is basically what I wanted let’s say, 10-15 years ago and Complicated is what I want today. And if you think for one moment that the ideal man I am about to describe can actually be found in real life then you are so miserably wrong and…probably a man…

1.       Looks.
Simple: dark hair, brown eyes and taller than I.
Complicated: Dark chestnut hair, he can wear it short or long but when he wears it long it’s soft as few locks fall over his forehead. Brown eyes, yes but they must have a deepness in them. The eyebrows should be a little thick and close above the eyes making him frown all the time (let’s say a Michael Keaton look). He is gorgeous, but not perfect beautiful kind of guy. Women stare at him when he is in a room (and he only has eyes for me…). His body must be athletic; six pack of course, smooth biceps but not like a bodybuilder. He is taller than me, at least tall enough so I can wear 10 cm high heels without becoming taller than him.
2.       Occupation.
Simple: a job.
Complicated: he has an intense job where he is tough and strong. He is good at his job and people respect him. His job takes a lot of his time but he still makes room for me and for maintaining his perfect body. And of course he sometimes has to wear a suit for his job and look sophisticated. Lucky for you I don’t care if he makes a lot of money but I don’t want to be on a starving level.

3.       Brains.
Simple: he is smart.
Complicated: I must be able to have a conversation with him on a higher level. He reads books and knows a thing or two about the world so that sometimes I can learn something from him as well. He shares my interests and likes to read my work and even comment on it. He speaks a couple of languages and is interested in the world he lives in.

4.       Hobby
Simple: he has a hobby.
Complicated: he has hobbies that help me as well. He rides a motorcycle, likes to repair cars, he reads books from time to time (of course he has time aside his busy job, me and working out hours), he likes to repair my car or my computer when it crashes (not a nerd by the way), he likes to sport and travel. He loves animals and some children (always trying to convince me that children are nice to have). Oh and he loves to cook as well and do his own laundry for a change.
5.       Clothing.
Simple: he wears clean clothes.
Complicated: he has different styles of clothing for different purposes and he is always clean. He wears suits and looks extraordinarily hot in them. He wears manly motorcycle boots, jeans and a leather jacket in his free time and he looks perfect in underwear. He likes to wear silver and leather accessories but he will never ever wears anything from gold, and no way in hell will he ever wear a seal ring.

6.       Character.
Simple: honest, generous and good at heart.
Complicated: the above mentioned things but with a little more detail…He had a mysterious dark past in which he suffered greatly but now that he has found me, he is feeling like the luckiest man alive. He doesn’t talk much most of the time, cool, sarcastic and distant sometimes but when he wants to talk he can be very open, funny and sweet. He is romantic but stays manly about it, he has a temper but calms down when I remind him of it, he can look quite arrogant but it’s because he doesn’t like to put up with the nonsense of everyday life. He can be shy even though he looks hot and he believes in love but is also realistic about things that can happen in life. He is very affectionate (but not sticky) and knows how to make me feel like a woman. When he kisses me it feels like the world around us doesn’t exist anymore. In bed he is never selfish and he takes his time. Lying isn’t one of his hobbies and he would do anything to protect the ones he loves.

7.       Perfect imperfections.
Simple: what the fuck is that?
Complicated: he has a couple of tattoos from his dark past but they aren’t covering his whole body and they look good on him. He also has a couple of scars, one on his face.  All of his imperfections make him look a little tougher and more dangerous than he wants to.

8.       Family.
Simple: he has a family.
Complicated: he has no family! His parents don’t exist because he was either adopted or they just died. Another part of his complicated past. And if he must have a parent then he has a dad but their relationship isn’t that great. Let me put it in this psycho way: he never had love in his life that’s why he is so grateful to have me.

9.       Background.
Simple: I am Romanian so he is Romanian.
Complicated: he can be Romanian but speaks English, Spanish and perhaps a little Portuguese. If he is not Romanian then he can be the following mix: between Australian, British, American and Spanish, Brazilian or Italian as long as he is half European and half some exotic shit. He is not religious but believes there is something out there. He is not one of those men who has strong rules and norms and wants to indoctrinate me. He believes men and women are equal but to a certain level.

10.   Talents.
Simple: he knows how to do a flip flop.
Complicated: He can dance very well but still keeps it manly. He is good at bachatta, salsa and meringue (still manly folks…). He plays guitar and his voice is pleasant to listen to. He is funny. He is strong, not that that’s a talent but he can carry me around the house for hours…I call that a talent oh and he can carry me home if I ever faint or if I’m drunk…

11.   Flaws.
Simple: he swears.

He can swear, drink (not an alcoholic), smoke (not like a chimney), gamble (not an addict), look at other women (not drool on them), flirt (not constantly), have time for himself, has his own special place where he can retreat. As long as he has all the other above mentioned qualities I really wouldn’t give a rat’s ass!

So there you go folks, if you think this list isn’t sick then there is something clearly wrong with you. And if you’re a man and you think you fit the profile then you are surely too full of yourself or too full of shit (but I don’t want to take any chances so call me…)

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