18 December 2014

Merry Christmas Stories!

Because it's going to be Christmas soon, I am feeling rather merry and for that reason I will share with you some of my happiness...bloody, gruesome, bones cracking happiness. And I will do it with the next lovely Christmas stories…

Little Andy
Little Andy couldn't wait for Christmas day to come. His mother had been preparing all kinds of meals and little Andy had helped his mommy in the kitchen as best as he could. He helped her with the pumpkin cake and the chocolate chip cookies, even though he ate a few cookies afterwards, for they were very yummy. He helped her with the sweet potato pie and the salad dressing so on Christmas day everything would be ready. 'Just the Turkey in the oven, little Andy,' said his mommy and we will be good to go.

On Christmas day little Andy had a smile on his face. He was present at the Christmas dinner surrounded by mommy and her friends and he was smiling as wide as he could. Well, the smile was a little too wide for he had an apple in his mouth. His eyes looked a little strange, red, puffed...cooked. For you see Andy's mommy was a cannibal and little Andy was the Turkey she was talking about. Little Andy's head was put on a big plate in the centre of the Christmas dinner table while his mommy and her friends, cracked his head open while steam coming out, spooned out his brains out and ate him all up for he was very young and yummy.

The neighbor
Miss Markus was a lonely old woman with a heart of gold. Her husband had died ten years ago and her children moved away to different countries. They were always too busy to visit her around Christmas and so Miss Markus always spent her Christmas days watching TV, alone and sad for she missed having a family. On Christmas day she went to her neighbor, a sweet, friendly woman, to wish her Merry Christmas. She stood on the porch and knocked.

'Hello there!' said the woman smiling. 'We were just having dinner.'

‘Merry Christmas!’

‘Oh how sweet, Merry Christmas to you too!’

'There is something red around your mouth,' said Miss Markus. It looked red with white chunks in it. It must have been cherry pie. The woman wiped off her face while Miss Markus thought of that warm and delicious cherry pie.

'Oh my, how clumsy of me. Why don't you come in?' said the woman.

'I wouldn’t want to intrude.’

‘Oh no, not at all!’ said the jolly woman.


'Yes, of course. We just enjoyed little Andy so much and now we can enjoy you!'

Miss Markus entered the home filled with hope and love. 

The puppy
A few days before Christmas a puppy was born. He was given birth then abandoned, out there on the streets, for he was a street puppy. He trembled in the winter blizzard, his little eyes trying to figure out where he was and what the world was like. He was hungry, cold, alone and confused.

Suddenly he was lifted up, up in the sky. 'Hello there!' said a friendly face. A woman looked at him and smiled. 'You will do just fine,' she said. 'Last Christmas, little Andy helped me with the Christmas dinner but you will have to do this year.' The puppy licked her face for she seemed so nice and her hands were warm and comforting. ‘Oh how sweet!’ she chuckled. ‘We will enjoy you to the fullest!’

The puppy was taken in, cared for and fed until his tummy ached. And on Christmas day he sat on his warm blanket as Andy's mom sang Christmas songs with her friends.

You sick fucks! You wanted Little Andy’s mom to eat him up didn’t you? It's a puppy we are talking about! Are you crazy?!

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, don’t take life too serious especially around the holidays and...don't eat anyone!


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