03 November 2014


How do you tell the world you are misunderstood? How do you tell people that your own way of thinking is a bit more complex than they think it is? How do you prove that? How do you explain it? It’s a hard question isn’t it? But it’s even worse when you have to give an example.

How do you explain that your own feelings are…well…just the same as any other person’s but you basically magnify them to an unbearable limit? Heartbroken? To a normal person it’s horrible but to you it’s excruciating. Love? To a normal person it’s beautiful, but to you it’s an obsession.  Hatred? Don’t get me started on that one.

Sometimes, most of the times, I feel misunderstood. I try to explain what I feel and how I am feeling but people just don’t understand.

So, it’s nights like these when I wonder if there is anyone out there feeling the same way I do, seeing things the way I see them, experiencing life as I do. It’s difficult because you see, it cannot be explained, it can’t be put on paper, the words that can be put on paper can be recognized and felt by any normal person but the feeling behind it….it’s...beyond words…

So you start hating everyone around you, everyone, because no one understand what you’re going through, a lot pretend like they understand but they don’t. It’s difficult you see, there is a certain way of thinking, a pattern that is not found in a common mind, in a normal mind, just in those crazy, twisted minds that end up in sanitariums or become drug or alcohol addicts. So what to do? Pretend! Pretend you are normal, pretend like you belong to this world, pretend that you are just the same as the rest, that you think the same as the rest, feel the same, act the same, be the same….but it’s hard. Admit it! It’s hard sometimes to pretend to be someone else. Pretend to be…normal when you know you aren’t, when you look in the mirror and you see, you see the truth behind that fake smile, the truth behind those eyes, the truth beneath it all…

Did I fuck you up now? I hope not, life goes on, just like every day, every hour, every minute, every second, sometimes I forget but there are those painful moments when I just have to face reality, face myself. What do I do? I can’t explain it to anyone and when I do people stare at me like I’m some crazy, a lunatic, abnormal. All I can do is just go to sleep and think like I always do, ‘tomorrow I will be a better person, tomorrow I will try to be a more normal person’.


  1. Just leave Holland and you will be fine :))))

  2. Hmmm i might just do that ;) thanks for the advice stranger

  3. I never tell the world I'm misunderstood. I just smile and tell them to go to hell. You have nothing to prove. That's not the reason you're here, Nig. You know that, and you're wicked smart, so just do your own thing. Normal is boring.

    No, you didn't fuck me up. I suddenly remember you predilection for the word fuck... It's been a while since I read your blog. Leaving Holland may not do the trick - no offense - because being different means just that: that you're different.... different in Holand, different everywhere on this planet for I know you're not talking cultural boundaries. Just flip the bird.

    1. Thanks for your comment and welcome back Stranger :) it's nice to know there are some people in this world that still understand what I'm talking about!