22 November 2013

The Mortal Instruments Book - Movie = Boomie

Yeah, I decided to make your day by talking about the Mortal Instruments...well not all about it, you need to read the book for that lazy bastards. What I really want to talk about is the Boomie: Book - Movie combination of the Mortal Instruments.

I am reading the books. And seriously, the books, the storyline, very nice. I really enjoyed the first book and although it ain't that original (which one of us is?), with the demonhunters and all that, it's nice to read, especially Jace reminding me of a baby Essen of Silverstone. Then...

I saw the movie!

And I wondered,

why? WHY? For the love of God whyyy?

Why fuck up the book like that? The movie is horrible, no storyline, no logic, they created new things and mixed it up with a Harry Potter look alike surrounding making this movie a bloody mix of the book. They even combined part 1 with 2 and Simon didn't even change in a rat! Not to mention that Jace, the guy nicely described in the books is a walking skeleton! Where the hell did they find this actor, who's version of beautiful is this? Not to mention Clary, the sweet actress know from Mirror Mirror, you know the huge eyebrows girl? Her acting was just as wonderful as the quality of this movie. I truly feel sorry for the real, great actors like Lena Headey (our superb Game of Thrones bitch), Aidan Turner (my hottie Mitchell and favorite dwarf) and Jonathan Rhys Meyers (the man responsible for making Henry VIII cool). And I really don't understand. Why would you waste so much money, talent and time to make such a crappy movie? Why not follow the book and get some decent young actors to represent Clary and Jace? God knows how many young talents are out there who could really make us feel something.


And it's not the first time it happens. I mean I know the whole Boomie cliche and the fact that a book is always better because you can use your imagination but come on, you don't have to rape the whole book to make a crappy movie. Even Tom Hardy did a great job in Wuthering Heights and I liked both the book and that movie version. So it doesn't always have to go bad.

I thought the Twilight books, honestly, were nice. Then I saw the movie and my eyeballs fell. The fact that Edward Cullen was...well played by a scarecrow and that Bella (though also very annoying in the books) was played by Ms. Undead, not to mention our furry little friend Jake. It fucked up the books and that's the thing! When you see the movie you start relating it to the books. I wasn't done with the Twilight serie when I saw the first movie and it left a scar. Every time I was now reading the story I couldn't imagine the Edward and Jake I had imagined, I was seeing the reason why some women become lesbians...

So finally a request, a strong request to all you out there who decide to make a Boomie. Please, please think and read the God damn book before you make the movie!

And if everyone ever decides to make a movie version of my first novel, The Beastslayer, then I will puckingly decline it...well...unless they decide to make Chris Hemsworth play Essen and...me Niteria...then where do I sign? Chris honey, I heard your wife is 25% Romanian, I am Romanian...or wait...is that a bad thing? E-mail me and let's talk about the Beastslayer Boomie, my new e-mail is: mortalinstrumentsboomiesucks@gmail.com

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