04 February 2012

My world, your world

Every time I want to start a sentence with 'have you ever?' I have the feeling I am talking to myself and that everyone around me thinks 'there she goes again.' But that does not stop me from doing it:

Have you ever felt like you belonged some place else?

I do feel I am not the only one in this thing even though my world is probably so much different than yours. But, all my life I have felt like I was born in the wrong place and wrong time like I was supposed to be somewhere else and someone just misplaced me. I still have the feeling like I am living in two worlds, one foot in each: the regular world and my world. My world can sometimes be so strong that it overrules the regular world and it changes my whole perspective of life. Sometimes the regular world just makes me so depressed because it's so...common and real no matter how far you travel and how much you have seen. I mean how many of you walk in the building they work in and think of being stabbed at that moment by an assassin then being rescued by their story hero? And that's just a slight glimpse of my daydreaming.

I guess, I sometimes feel like we work, shit, fuck, sleep in the regular world but that there is so much more in us we cannot express in the regular world because we are held down by society, the people around us, duties and just the way we were raised. In conclusion we cannot be ourselves. And some can be themselves, say whatever they want, do whatever they want, then I guess for those people this is their world. For the rest, the ones that think that they could be so much more in different circumstances and who feel they have never truly been themselves in this world, well, those are my people. There are men and women who look at themselves in the mirrors and feel ugly, yet from the inside feel like they have so much to offer if given a chance, others feel pretty from the outside but hope they are not only judged by their looks as they can be so much more. Anyone getting this?

When I was younger, around 12,13 I used to spend hours staring at the sky. Just staring, looking at the stars and dreaming away. Sometimes I would even feel like I was waiting for something or someone...who or what? I have no fucking idea and yet that feeling never seized. Even now I sometimes just dream away and think 'what the fuck am I doing here?' and the answer is always 'where the shit are you supposed to be then?'

I don't know maybe I am thinking it too much through or maybe it's because of that strong Romanian  booze I just drank but I just felt the urge of sharing this with you. Please tell me I am not the only one because if I am...I guess I need to visit that shrink that everyone so eagerly has been recommending me :)


  1. One thing is for sure.... you use the word 'fuck' a lot. You're not being held down in that department, but I get your drift alright. Let me tell you something, Nig. I have never ever worked 40 hours a week. Make that 20. Why? Because I'm not a fan of society. I'm a fan of the days when I didn't have to worry about the IRS or my grown-up civic duties. So I spend a lot of time NOT thinking about the adult world too much. I write, talk to my friends in the States and elsewhere for that matter, I buy at least two books a week (and read them, too, though I've been a bit slow on the reading since August), watch so many movies my eyes get every time, and I just LIVE. I love my work, but that's just work. You know what I mean?

  2. Yeah I get it, thanks for sharing this with me and our shrink tomorrow morning ha ha. yep we might get a discount twee halen, een... no but seriously glad I aint the only one.

  3. Well, what you should really say is, your eyes get what? Sore. I type so fast I can actually skip a word!

    P.S. I noticed you using emoticons. Check THIS out to make them move.

  4. Don't listen to my friend anonblog. 'hey, nice blog' is all he ever says. I suggest you do the same. <:-P <:-P <:-P

  5. Hey! Where are my emoticons??? :(

  6. Sorry sorry i will get them as soon as possible hi hi!