26 August 2011


'Sorry if we kept you waiting.'

'No problem'

'Now, I see they gave us one of their more colorful rooms, that's nice. Would you like some tea or something else?'

'No, thank you.'
'I see you chose the purple chair from all the colors in this room. Any particular reason?'
'Not really.'
'Or does it have to do with the fact that it's against the wall? Now we're sitting here before you as if we were in an interogation room but you know that's not really the case, right?'

'Do you know why you are here?'
'I guess.'


'To get cured?'

'Cured from what?'

'My madness.'

'Madness is kind of exagerated, don't you think?'

'It depends.'

'On what?'

'On what others call it. I wouldn't have been mad if everyone else thought the same.'

'Interesting point of view. But let's talk about your moments, let's call it that, ok?'


'Why do you have those moments?'

'Everyone has them I suppose.'

'But for what reason do you have them?'

'Do I have to have a reason?'

'Why else would you feel so upset and angry? There must be a reason.'

'What irritates you sometimes?'


'What do you mean?'

'Life, people, that things are what they are.'

'Why does it irritate you?'

'It doesn't go beyond, it stops. It has limits, boundaries. It's...real.'

'But we need reality, don't we? We need to know that some things are the way they are, that we can count on them.'

'Yes but everything is...like this room...it doesn't go beyond.'

'How do you want it to go beyond?'

'Become something more, change...'


'What are your fears?'

'That one day I'll stop dreaming.'

'You like having dreams?'

'Yes, very much.'

'Ah yes I can imagine that. I remember when I was a child I wanted to become a pilot'

'That's not a dream.'


'No, it's something real and the posibility of becoming that is also real.'

'Would it have been different if I said I wanted to become a fairy?'

'Yes, it would have been very silly but it would at least have been a dream.'

'What do you dream of?'

'Many things, beautiful things, things I can't explain.'

'Could you try?'

'You have to see it for yourself.'

'So when do you feel sad?'

'The moment I wake up.'
'You can't dream forever.'
'Says who?'

'And when you wake up, can't you enjoy the sunny weather, the blue sky, a curious puppy?'
'Not after what I've seen in my dreams'.

'Let me conclude this, you experience moments of sadness, depression and anxiety because you are not asleep?'

'Sleeping and dreaming are two different things.'
'Do you mean you...'

'I sometimes dream and am not asleep.'
'Something like that, only they feel real...'

'Ha funny, dreams feel real, reality is too boring but I'm happy when dreams become real. Isn't it funny?'
'Don't you think you should accept reality, things the way they are, enjoy the little things in life and let the dreaming go?'

'How can I let dreams go? Without dreaming I will be nothing, feel as a nothing and then I might as well end it all.'

'Do you ever think of ending it all?'

'All the time. I wonder how it will go and where I'll be after that. I know I will be somewhere but I can't wait to find out where.'

'It has nothing to do with heaven.

'I don''t believe in hell after I've seen what's here on Earth. What can possibly be worse than this? Forever being burned? It's like candy compared to the horrors we as humanity have caused to ourselves.'

'You are a very poetic person aren't you?'


'This is the deal, I will be very honest with you. I don't think your...madness as you call it is as bad as you think. You just live in dreams instead of reality. That is something that every one of us has once in a while. You just need to wake up, open your eyes, realize that life isn't about goblins and knights and be here with everyone else, be rational. Dreams are like air, they don't exist and don't get you anywhere, eventually you will wake up dreaming as your whole life passes you by and you won't even have had the chance to truly enjoy life and the ones around you who by the way are so very real.'

'Real...Wake up? Who says I'm dreaming and this is the reality we live in?'

'Everyone else, besides you. And to back that up, no one knows what you dreamed of last night so it's only something that happened in your mind.'

'How do you know?'

'Excuse me?'

'How do you know that no one knows?'

'Did you find someone that did?'

'I didn't search.'

'But putting it all aside, you must understand what I am talking about? You can't cross the street thinking you're in a medieval village while a bus is about to run you over. You have to go to work every day to make a living, you can't dream of eating, drinking and resting. With only dreams you will be dead.'

'And without?'


'So what you are saying is that I need to give up my dreams in order to become healthy?'


'Then I'd rather be dead.'

'Then there is nothing else for me to do than to welcome you in our institution. I hope you will have a pleasant stay and I am looking forward to our many conversations yet to come.'


'Sorry? Excuse me? Did you just hear what I said?'


'Excuse me? Are you...hearing what I am saying?'


'Oh...pardon me...I was with my mind...elsewhere...'

23 August 2011

Honey Boyz confession

So, here I am, sitting relaxed in the hobby room, hearing the rain hit the window, nature feeding the plants and cooling the ground after a few warm...oh who am I kidding? I am having a fucked up day with rain all day long and I'm just sitting here at my desk because...well what else is there to do with such a fucked up weather? And so I decided I'll just update my Honey Boyz map...hmmm...

I'm not sure I should actually tell you this...I mean...some people might think less of me...but I guess it's too late now, so I might as well share it.

Ever since I was little...(not too little 'cause otherwise I wouldn't have been able to comprehend the meaning of such a map) I've been keeping a map called: Honey Boyz. This..folder contains all the men, young men or anything male that I might find Hot at that time. Over the years the Honey Boyz has been changed and updated. You would expect it to be this huge, thicker than the encyclopedia book but it actually looks pretty thin as the men I liked at one point I didn't like later on so I replaced them with others...

What can you expect from Honey Boyz? Well, it's a map filled with Hotties. Pictures only, no one wants to read or anything. And before you start thinking about this...or you probably just have, no, I don't keep them next, under or near my bed. It's just a map that I keep in a non sacred place and I look through it from time to time to see what kind of men I actually like or liked. PLUS: the main reason is of course, I use the actors as inspiration for the characters in my stories...so it's basically very....important for my...writing career. I never...think of these men...in a non...muse kinda way...Yeah, just so we have that clear.

Anyway I have no idea why I am putting this on my blog, think of the comments I'll get but hey what the hell, it's raining outside, everyone's depressed so I just thought I'd share something with you.

Honey Boyz contains (in order of appearance 1993 - now):

Brandon Lee (of course)
Kim Rossi Stuart
Cristian de la Fuente
Fabio Cannavaro
Raoul Bova
Tony Crane
Ian Somerhalder
Jensen Ackles
Chris Hemsworth
Kit Harington
Aidan Turner
and a couple more

19 August 2011

Question everything...everything?

Dear Madam, Sirs,

For centuries people have been questioning and arguing about all that's possible in our world: the existence of Gods, science, the meaning of life, time, poverty, communism, capitalism, ufo's, whether the world is flat, medicine, death etc. etc. etc.

Nowadays we still question some things like religion, health care and of course the meaning of life but some things we have just taken for granted such as time, days, months, work...

I would like to bring the following into account: why do we have 24 hours a day, why do we call night dark and day light, why do we have 12 months in a year and why do we keep our birthdays according to years? Why is it all taken for granted and no one thinks of a beter way to change this? Why do we all wear watches and we all agree on certain moments to meet up and judge each other according to how many moments one's late?

I would have not brought up this discussion if I didn't have a proposal.

This is how I believe it should work:

Minutes will still be 60 seconds (this way we don't have to change the name of a certain nailpolish)

An hour wil consist of 30 minutes.

A day will consist of 20 new hours, will begin at midday and it will end at midnight.

A week wil consist of 7 days. (so we won't change God's work) but because we want to honor God we would like to change the Sunday into 2 days because He actually needed to rest a little more than He actually thought. No one likes Mondays so there will be no more Mondays. Therefore:

Tuesday   Wednesday   Thursday   Friday   Saturday    Sunday1   Sunday 2

A month will consist of 12 weeks.

A year will consist of 4 months. We will change their names to:

Rainy, Freezy, Bloomy and Hottie

The new time and day have nothing to do with the old ones so don't try to prop 365 old days in the new ones. That won't work!

No more watches are allowed and therefore the words 'late' or 'early' are no more of use.

Birthdays will all take place alphabetibally. There will be days from A to Z spread all over the year. Everyone who's name begins with an A is on that day celebrated. There will be no more counting of years as one's age has nothing to do with the number of years (it has to do with its mind and spirit). Everyone is free on all birhtday days. Also Christmas, Easter etc etc are still free days.

This is my proposal regarding time and days.

As soon as this new proposal is accepted,which I expect will happen very soon, I would like to move on to my next proposal:


We will be working, 8 hours a day, 4 days a week and we will have one to two months vacation.

I believe this is a very reasonable proposal.

Yours faithfully,

Mrs. Hope

09 August 2011

Mai se poate in vacanta?

Si la asta ma gandesc in fiecare zi, de cate ori ma uit afara si vad vremea asta umeda, gri, ploioasa si atat de depresionanta! Si vant puternic si rece de-ti vine sa-ti lasi oasele si pielea acasa...ce expresie mai am si eu.

Deci ce naiba vara mai e si asta? 14,15 grade si ii mai vezi si pe unii cu papuci in picioare, ba chiar in weekend am vazut-o pe una in costum de baie si se ducea cu ai ei la plaja, ba da chiar nu esti sanatoasa sa faci asa ceva. Dar pentru ei saracii o fi fost vara.

Cand eram in Romania ziceam, cand ajung in Olanda o sa dreg si o sa fac si asta si asta, cand am ajuns aici si m-am uitat in jur, m-am pus pe canapea si acolo am ramas. Parca n-ai viata aici, n-ai chef sa faci ceva, sa strangi, sa te duci incolo si incolo poate din cauza faptului ca nimeni nu face asta in timp ce in Bucuresti lumea alearga de colo colo, ii auzi pe toti cum ca vor asta, alta etc. Bine am mai zis, nici la noi nu e bine ca e stresul mare si viata de trai joasa, adica e lume destula care moare de foame in timp ce aici nu prea ai asa ceva, doar drogati pe strada dar care si ei primesc ajutor de la stat. Si nu stiu ce-i mai bine stresul sau depresia? Viata stabila, rutina sau nebunia si agitatia? E greu mai ales ca nu poti alege una din tari fara sa ai si dezavantajele. Hai sa le punem pe linie (apropo asta e opinia mea ca sigur sunt multi care gandesc altfel deci: my words, my world)

Daca esti in Olanda sa te astepti la:
- monotonie
- raceala atat intre oameni cat si ca vreme
- individualism, fiecare cu treaba lui (ca sa nu o zic mai urat)
- liniste pe strada, adica nu magazine pana la 22.00, nu concerte in fiecare saptamana, nu nebunie pe la terase sau multa lume pe strada la ore mai tarzii.
- salarii stabila dar poti manca din ele adica nu mor de foame, guvernul ar face ceva daca ai ajunge la o situatie super naspa.
- nu poti face casa (doar cu imprumut care chiar iti face viata amara, exemplu: casa normala sau apartament 200.000 de euro, imprumut pt urmatorii 30 de ani...si platesti in final de fapt cam 500.000 de euro)
- tot pamantul Olandei drept, lipit, adica daca ma uit bine vad granita cu Germania (yes over here the world is flat!)
- toate fructele si legumele au gust de...apa.
- mancare traditioanala ca la spital (cartofi fierti, carne prajita sau fiarta, legume fierte)...daca nu esti creativ. Sunt si produse ca sa-ti faci mancare Chinezeasca, Japoneza sau ce-oi vrea tu.
- nu au eclere! Prajiturile au toate gustul la fel oricat de diferite sau colorate par. Stroopwafels sunt singurele avantaje.
- depresie totala
- doctorii...mai bine sa nu te duci pt. ca mori cu zilele, de la cati nu am auzit, in jurul meu ca ori au avut pe cineva in familie care a murit din cauza la o operatie care a dat gres, ori ca au primit medicamente gresite ani de zile, ori ca nu vazusera nimic pana in ultimul moment...e socant, nici in Romania nu e iar, stiu, dar aici e chiar socant.

Daca alegi Romania:
- nesiguranta, adica sunt multi nenorociti care nu stii cum se trezesc si o patesti chiar si in ziua plina
- salarii mici si guvernul nu-l freaca daca iti ajunge sa iei o paine sau nu
- stres zi de zi, alergus si nebunie peste tot
- vremea frumoasa vara dar poate fi foarte rea iarna
- caldura intre oameni, chiar daca sunt ei acolo putini si aia ajung
- nebunie pe strada, lumea iese impreuna, magazine deschise cat vrei tu, e de viata
- mare si munte, bogatii minerale, plante medicinale
- fructe si legume sanatoase daca iei de la tara si mai ai pe cineva pe acolo sau cumperi la piata poti sa gasesti ce vrei tu.
- au eclere! si prajiturile sunt bune, amandine...aoleu stati sa ma sterg la gura
- mentalitatea oamenilor, cum sa te fure mai repede, cum sa-ti vanda un cacat sau sa te treaga in teapa, toata lumea vrea bani, multe fufe materialiste (dar e un rezultat logic din cate a patit tara) si multi barbati betivi.
- traditiile, cultura si istoria atat de bogata

Nu sunteti de acord? Asta e, asa le vad eu. Daca vreti sa ma convingeti altfel, n-aveti de cat, feel free!

Road Trip Transilvania

Oh yes, the best part of the holiday is when you come back...that's when you look around and realize it's much too cold over here, much too quiet and much too different. But oh well, every holiday must come to an end no matter how much it might hurt. So instead of thinking too much about it I try to remember the good times I had this holiday and remember that I will go back soon (Christmas).

One of the best times of this holiday was the four day trip we took. We decided we wanted to see more of Romania instead of Bucharest (a city I never grow tired of) so we decided we'd go on a trip through the Carpathians. And this is how it went:

Day 1: From Bucharest to Sibiu

We left Bucharest early in the morning so we'd avoid the traffic. You should have seen my face that early in the morning. I could have made a picture of myself and use it for Halloween.
Curtea de Arges: our first stop where a beautiful church is situated, not to mention its legend about the man that decided his wife would be the ultimate sacrafice to keep the church standing. I ain't gonna tell you the whole story just read the damn legend.

Poenari Castle: merely a ruin but it used to be a great building in the 14th century not to mention that it was one of Vlad Tepes' main fortresses. The funny part about it: it is situated up in the mountainds so you have to go up the stairs to visit it...up...up...for about 1500 stairs!!! After climbing those stairs I remembered: I really have to do something about my condition.

Barajul Vidraru: just google it if you want to know how it looks like. It looked cool especially because it was here where our Top Gear adventure would begin. We ate some corn (I love Corn) and moved on.

Balea Lac: gorgeous place and it can only be visited two months a year as for the rest of the year it's too dangerous. We came from a temperature of 30 degrees to 14 degrees as here it was freezing, there was even snow at sight. We ate in a small restaurant, bought me Amethist, admired the flock of sheep everywhere and wondered how they didn't fall the hell off those high places and...went on.

Transfagarasan: It's impossible to drive through this place and not to thing of Top Gear (check out youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLxP_VHe0gg&feature=related) and hear Jeremy's words 'Romania thank you for having us and can we stay, forever?' It was beautiful and absolutely amazing.

Cisnadioara: Here we found a small church with a huge history.

Sibiu: I've seen it before but it always feels great when I'm there. We ate, relaxed in a beautiful hotel and enjoyed the sweet weather.

Day 2: From Sibiu to Cluj

We left early as we had a long trip ahead. We were about to stop in Alba-Iulia but with some misunderstandig we missed our exit so we continued our drive.

Cluj-Napoca: some beautiful monuments envolving Matei Corvin, a cute market place but then hell broke lose when it started to rain. We found a cozy Jazz cafe and we didn't want to leave it anymore.
Later we decided to visit the city at night and we were amazed. No normal people on the streets! I mean beside from us we were expecting no other freaks but...strange...strage city with freaky people and odd places. It really gave me the fucking creeps. So for Cluj...the pictures on google.nl looked much beter.

Day 3: From Cluj to Brasov

We left the fucking place as soon as we got up.

Targu Mures: beautiful little place. It looked much cozier than Cluj although the weather decided to get kinda grey.

A smart girl like me would never do something like this, but yes I did: by mistake I erased all the pictures we had made until now, all 400 pictures with beautiful video's on transfagarasan...You can imagine how moody I became.

Sighisoara: one of my favorite places in Romania. I need say no more.

Biertan: a place I had never heard of in my life, close to Sighisoara, a small village away from the busy world. We ate at a great medieval restaurant...the only restaurant in town but so much worth it and then we visited the fortified church. I sat there listening to the wind, closed my eyes and wished that moment would last forever. I felt home.

Brasov: another city that needs no introduction. We ate, we laughed, we drank and danced at the Ursus Concert.

Day 4: Brasov to Bucharest

We got up at a reasonable time but none of us wanted to actually go back because that also meant the end of our road trip.

Damboviciora Cave: first cave I've ever seen in my life but I can't say I was very impressed. Perhaps it was the surrounding that made it less attractive, too touristic and poorly maintained.

Well tired and sick of the journey we got back in Bucharest. We already made plans for our next trip, next year, to Moldova. Oh how I miss you already my sweet, dusty but warm Romania!