24 June 2011

Why this fascination with vampires?

Someone who's rereading Dracula...asked me why this fascination with vampires? I could write a full (and endless essay about it) but maybe I could try it this way.

Yesterday...it seems such a long time ago. I think about it and don't understand why today can't be like yesterday. The sun is rising just like yesterday, people are going to work, the world goes on just like yesterday but to me the world has stopped moving. The world is gone, it's missing. I feel like I'm gone, like I don't belong, like a mistake. And I only have myself to blame for it.

I guess it all started with my childish fascination for a creature that has always taken my breath away. Strigoi, kitsune, lamia,vetalas, draugr,  it has a name and shape in every language, in every corner of the world but it is mostly known as vampire. So many people feared it, the sickening characteristics of a living corpse that comes at night and sucks the blood out of the living in order to make itself feel better. The grotesque features of its face and body: long sharp nails, his breath that smells like rotten flesh, his pale face, horrifying eyes, its yellow sharp fangs as it punctures your veins and takes your blood by force, draining you night after night until the very last drop. At least that's how it was described in the early years. This creature disgusted me and yet my fascination grew. I read about how vampires can be killed with garlic, ash wood, verbena, sunlight and even crosses. I read about real reports such as the case of Peter Plogojowitz and Mercy Brown. I wondered how many cases were in the world similar to this one...

Then I started reading Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Polidori and poems by Keats, Poe and so many more. The grotesque features were no longer present. In some stories vampires could not even be destroyed with simple objects anymore. In my mind another image of the vampire was created, a man of absolute beauty with eyes cold as death and a cursed soul. But that man was seductive, extremely attractive, handsome and yet smooth in his way of life, knowing he could get anything and anyone with merely a stare. A man who lived forever and knew and witnessed every part of life, a man that read all the books in the world, had seen everything that is to be seen, loved as much as love could handle and killed whenever he felt like it. And the killings...the victims threw themselves at his feet handing him their lives on a plate. He killed and he was loved. And if I ever met him I would have probably done the exact same thing.

With this my search continued in the world we live in now, the games of Vampire the Masquerade and the times the game got out of hand (the boy that believed he was a vampire and killed his girlfriend's parents), the secret societies of people believing they are vampires and living up to their believes.

The question that I feared and tried to fight in my mind found its way through my mouth and I woke up one night asking myself 'what if they really exist?'

This is were things went wrong. I should have let it go. It was a hobby, a strange one but still a hobby. All I ever did was read about it and search for strange stories but now I wanted to know if they really existed. And the worse part of it all, I wanted to know how to become one. Me? A vampire. Seductive, strong, live forever, see everything that is ever to be seen, combine passion and death and take whatever I need to become something indestructible. Be something against this world, against reality, prove that there is more to life and that all the stories and everything I have ever only dared imagine can become true. Show people, who only believe in what they see that there is another world out there and that that world is the reality they should know about. Look in the eyes of someone who cannot comprehend why I suddenly have fangs and why I am acting so different than anyone else. See the fear in people's eyes and enjoy it, see the love in any man I want and laugh at its temporary effect. I could become everything I have ever wished for and I could live forever.

The next step was to dig deeper in the history of vampires. I already knew the myths of how to become a vampire: by drinking a vampire's blood before you die, by letting a vampire bite you or you drinking someone else's blood. I already knew that but I wanted to know what others thought about it, people that took the supernatural world a little more serious. I discovered many things by looking into witchcraft, demonology, Satanism and looking into the secret societies that existed such as alchemists, illuminists...

and then I found them. Closer then I ever expected.

My background is Romanian so why didn't I think of it in the first place? I had read about Vlad Tepes and Elizabeth Bathony many times as I tried to understand their passion for blood. One of them I understood and that was Vlad Tepes. I admired him for being one of the most feared and respected leaders. Elizabeth was just a cruel, coldhearted creature with no plans for the future. Vlad Tepes was smart and he loved strategy. I read about the Order of the Dragon and that's when I realized I missed something, the Solomanari: the secret society of mages that worked together with the Order. Rumors had it they had a secret hideout in Romania. They knew everything that was there to know about magic and enchantments. Wouldn't they know if vampires existed?

I found a forum where people asked about the Solomanari and I decided I should do the same. My question was 'how do I find them and how can I trade something valuable for some information?' The next day someone called 'solomanar456'. He said 'what are you trading?' I answered 'my soul'. I heard nothing for days and I started mocking myself for writing such a stupid remark on a website page. I thought by being dark I might catch someone's attention. After six days I had a message in my private mail and wondered how that person knew my e-mail. It said 'what kind of information do you need?' I asked about vampires and I received an affirmative answer which was no surprise as any vampire freak believed they existed. I asked how to become one. The answer was very strange. It said

 'you just did.'.

That was yesterday. Today is different. Today I...


  1. You're scaring me now, Nig. That's not the Nig I 'know' from UTube. Thanks for sharing anyway, but on a less scary note (some will definitely disagree), here's a band waiting for you to join in, so take that guitar and sing along. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NthIUb8PfSI

  2. ha ha cool I immediately joined in. I am working on 'hound dog' now but I won't put it on youtube just yet, I need to practice on it befoce any die-hard fans get offended by my performance ;) So with other words: my performance will appear on youtube....here it comes...SOOONNN

  3. There's that word again...well I, as a die-very-hard fan, look forward to it. I may even spin it in a mix and send it right back to you. So be careful now :) Do let me know when.