24 June 2011

Why this fascination with vampires?

Someone who's rereading Dracula...asked me why this fascination with vampires? I could write a full (and endless essay about it) but maybe I could try it this way.

Yesterday...it seems such a long time ago. I think about it and don't understand why today can't be like yesterday. The sun is rising just like yesterday, people are going to work, the world goes on just like yesterday but to me the world has stopped moving. The world is gone, it's missing. I feel like I'm gone, like I don't belong, like a mistake. And I only have myself to blame for it.

I guess it all started with my childish fascination for a creature that has always taken my breath away. Strigoi, kitsune, lamia,vetalas, draugr,  it has a name and shape in every language, in every corner of the world but it is mostly known as vampire. So many people feared it, the sickening characteristics of a living corpse that comes at night and sucks the blood out of the living in order to make itself feel better. The grotesque features of its face and body: long sharp nails, his breath that smells like rotten flesh, his pale face, horrifying eyes, its yellow sharp fangs as it punctures your veins and takes your blood by force, draining you night after night until the very last drop. At least that's how it was described in the early years. This creature disgusted me and yet my fascination grew. I read about how vampires can be killed with garlic, ash wood, verbena, sunlight and even crosses. I read about real reports such as the case of Peter Plogojowitz and Mercy Brown. I wondered how many cases were in the world similar to this one...

Then I started reading Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Polidori and poems by Keats, Poe and so many more. The grotesque features were no longer present. In some stories vampires could not even be destroyed with simple objects anymore. In my mind another image of the vampire was created, a man of absolute beauty with eyes cold as death and a cursed soul. But that man was seductive, extremely attractive, handsome and yet smooth in his way of life, knowing he could get anything and anyone with merely a stare. A man who lived forever and knew and witnessed every part of life, a man that read all the books in the world, had seen everything that is to be seen, loved as much as love could handle and killed whenever he felt like it. And the killings...the victims threw themselves at his feet handing him their lives on a plate. He killed and he was loved. And if I ever met him I would have probably done the exact same thing.

With this my search continued in the world we live in now, the games of Vampire the Masquerade and the times the game got out of hand (the boy that believed he was a vampire and killed his girlfriend's parents), the secret societies of people believing they are vampires and living up to their believes.

The question that I feared and tried to fight in my mind found its way through my mouth and I woke up one night asking myself 'what if they really exist?'

This is were things went wrong. I should have let it go. It was a hobby, a strange one but still a hobby. All I ever did was read about it and search for strange stories but now I wanted to know if they really existed. And the worse part of it all, I wanted to know how to become one. Me? A vampire. Seductive, strong, live forever, see everything that is ever to be seen, combine passion and death and take whatever I need to become something indestructible. Be something against this world, against reality, prove that there is more to life and that all the stories and everything I have ever only dared imagine can become true. Show people, who only believe in what they see that there is another world out there and that that world is the reality they should know about. Look in the eyes of someone who cannot comprehend why I suddenly have fangs and why I am acting so different than anyone else. See the fear in people's eyes and enjoy it, see the love in any man I want and laugh at its temporary effect. I could become everything I have ever wished for and I could live forever.

The next step was to dig deeper in the history of vampires. I already knew the myths of how to become a vampire: by drinking a vampire's blood before you die, by letting a vampire bite you or you drinking someone else's blood. I already knew that but I wanted to know what others thought about it, people that took the supernatural world a little more serious. I discovered many things by looking into witchcraft, demonology, Satanism and looking into the secret societies that existed such as alchemists, illuminists...

and then I found them. Closer then I ever expected.

My background is Romanian so why didn't I think of it in the first place? I had read about Vlad Tepes and Elizabeth Bathony many times as I tried to understand their passion for blood. One of them I understood and that was Vlad Tepes. I admired him for being one of the most feared and respected leaders. Elizabeth was just a cruel, coldhearted creature with no plans for the future. Vlad Tepes was smart and he loved strategy. I read about the Order of the Dragon and that's when I realized I missed something, the Solomanari: the secret society of mages that worked together with the Order. Rumors had it they had a secret hideout in Romania. They knew everything that was there to know about magic and enchantments. Wouldn't they know if vampires existed?

I found a forum where people asked about the Solomanari and I decided I should do the same. My question was 'how do I find them and how can I trade something valuable for some information?' The next day someone called 'solomanar456'. He said 'what are you trading?' I answered 'my soul'. I heard nothing for days and I started mocking myself for writing such a stupid remark on a website page. I thought by being dark I might catch someone's attention. After six days I had a message in my private mail and wondered how that person knew my e-mail. It said 'what kind of information do you need?' I asked about vampires and I received an affirmative answer which was no surprise as any vampire freak believed they existed. I asked how to become one. The answer was very strange. It said

 'you just did.'.

That was yesterday. Today is different. Today I...

21 June 2011

When you're strange

'When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange
When you're strange
When you're strange'

I don't know why, but I woke up singing this song. I first heard it watching the movie 'The Lost Boys'. I don't think most people know it anymore having in mind it's from 1987 and kind of a strange movie but hey I like it.

And then I started thinking of the lyrics because...well I had nothing to do on this glorious Tuesday morning but to think about it on my way to the supermarket. They played this song in one of the first scenes of the movie while the main characters drove in 'Santa Carla' and all kind of 'strange' people were shown.

But I thought of the lyrics and wondered if what The Doors are saying is true (beside the fact that the song might be about depression, bad LSD trip and nervousness...so I have read...feel free to convince me otherwise). I mean when you're strange no one remembers your name? I thought it was the other way around. Look at Lady Gaga, anyone who doesn't know her? Being strange is what makes the cut these days. If you stand out, do funny things or shocking things or even act like an asshole then the tv world will find you and before you know it you become a star. Being strange is what counts. But of course there is a difference between strange and stttraaaangeeee. I think I'm strange but I don't stand out. Sometimes people look at me on the street cause I have a weird look on my face (cause I daydream all the time and have no idea how my face actually looks like when I do that, don't worry I ain't the kind of person who talks to herself...outside the house) but I doubt any of them is thinking 'wow she should be on tv to show her act.' I have met some strange people in my life and those people were just f...lunatics. But I still remember their names!

I think that if you're strange, weird, crazy, whatever, people are more likely to remember your name. Think about work, how many times have I not heard things like 'remember Mr. Bug? What a weirdo that guy was. He used to stuck pencils in his ears.' or 'Rita was shocked during teambuilding as she had never seen a cow in her life.'

Anyway if I would have to choose between strange and normal...well I guess you all know the answer to that.

And googling info about the movie I just found out that Corey Haim (whom I admired when I was a teen), passed away in 2010 at the age of 38 and from the looks of it he didn't have much of a great life. What a shame. RIP.

'People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down'


14 June 2011

My birthday

Yes, this had to happen sooner or later...my birthday was on the 12th of June and I turned 29. This means I am only one year away from turning 30. Most women hate turning 30, I just...scream and choke at the though of it.

I liked the age increase thing untill I turned 18 but after that it's just a horrible torment. But I have to admit I had a nice birthday. We went to Archeon...for those who do not know it...and I suppose that's for the most of you, Archeon is a special historic middle ages park where you can witness jousting, gladiator fights, middle ages food and a bit of nature, http://www.archeon.nl/ (they should pay me for this). It's mostly for kids and for ladies who just turned 29.  I had a great day checking out the Viking market place, eating lentil soup, enjoying some jousting and admiring the two pigs working on a suntan.

After Archeon we went home for the birthday cake (I always need a birthday cake to blow out those candles and wish for something that never comes true like turning 18 instead of 29). And then we went to the movies and enjoyed Johnny Depp in his pirate costume (he still looks great).

So in spite of turning 29 I had a great day and felt like a 9 year old instead. I'm not sure how I'll celebrate my 30th birthday without the comments: '30 wow, your biological clock is probably ticking' or 'you look good...for your age' or '30? I thought you were 18...'. Oh wait, that last comment is more wishful thinking.

Last year I had a great birthday as well, we went to the beach in Romania and I spend my birhtday with the sun above me and the sand beneath me. My brother surprised me with cake and champagne at the restaurant in the evening and I enjoyed spending my birthday home with my brother (he lives in Romania and I only see him like twice a year). Not to mention that drinking on my birthday has become more of a tradition really...

But 30...next year...I have no idea how I'll pull THAT off.

01 June 2011

Don't go to the doctor

Yes, I have something to share: I have passed my English exam with a 7.9 thank you very much and I am very proud of it (I already celebrated with few shots of tequila...5 minutes ago). And my English teacher has created a special place on his blog with my writing so he's kinda my first PR Manager. Check it out and check his site too it has really cool stuff on it (see RCB site on your right).

I wanted to write a 'frustrated' article about doctors in Holland and what my mom has been through the last months. It's sooo stupid actually. She had nothing, just wanted her ear to get cleaned up so she went to the doctor and they perforated her eardrum by mistake! BUT no one wants to admit it so they pretended she had an infection and she got like 5 or 6 different shitty ear drop medicine to use and eventually they said 'oh wait, you have a hole in your ear so you shouldn't be using ear drops' . So now she probably has to go through an operation because she is practically half deaf but no one takes the blame. They gave her cheap medicine and only the last one was an antibiotic but too late. They just say 'you should take some paracetamol'. That's actually their Holy medicine, the great allmighty Paracetamol. Do you have pain? Take paracetamol, do you feel sick? take paracetamol. Do you have a bullet in your head? Oh my, that's terrible, here...take some paracetamol.

Don't get me wrong. Not all doctors in Holland are like that, only the 5,6 I have met. I mean now we found a good doctor for my mom's ear and he is trying his best to fix, I hope it's not too late. One time my mom told the doctor 'I have pain.' His reaction was 'Everybody has pain.' I mean what the hell is that for a reaction? Come on! If you ask for a scan, a check or whatever they ask you ten thousand things cause they don't want you to get it.

I don't wanna compare but in Romania if you go to a clinic you can get all the scans and antibiotics you want. That's because they have a lot of private clinics over there but I am sure time will change and it will be the same as here so... can't wait.

So take my advice: don't go to the doctor unless....well.....unless you need some paracetamol.